I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
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Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
how does that bad decision feel?
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