I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
