woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
