I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
