A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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