i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
