I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
