3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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