She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
