On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
