So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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