I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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