I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
