I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
