Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
