literally had 100 drinks last night.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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