hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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