I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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