is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
not ubering you a puppy
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
