well you can't waste a boner
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
