it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
