the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Can I color on your dick again?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
