I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
