i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
