I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
