plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
