so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
