I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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