Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
