Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
