i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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