Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
