if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
