his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
