And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
