I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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