how can u be prego again
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Randomize
