i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
