well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
