kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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