I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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