I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
