member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
