I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
