WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize