It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize