I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
