I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
