Pants 0. Shit 1.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
