god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
