Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
