Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
