idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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