I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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