As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
