sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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