Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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