sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I want her autograph on my taint
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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