WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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