I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
