So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think my moral compass just broke
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
