I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
