Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
