I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
