Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
