I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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