that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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