Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
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