she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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