How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
