Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
