8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
