**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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