I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
