does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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