Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
