my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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