You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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