I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
