OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
