Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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