Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I want her autograph on my taint
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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