i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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