oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
