Don't make out with my wife yet
no, he came in my armpit
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
