I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
