??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
